Sunday, August 21, 2011

Why Hitler was a Better Leader than Obama

Some people, especially in the Tea Party, compare Obama to Hitler. This comparison sickens me, as I find it to be an insult to Hitler. Although of course it’s still up in the air as to whether the holocaust actually happened, let’s say for argument’s sake that it did – if so, I’d say America would be a lot better off if Hitler were at the helm vs. that porch monkey we currently have in the White House. Let’s document the ways, shall we?
1. Hitler managed to grow the German economy without raising taxes: unlike our current Jigaboo in Chief, Hitler pulled Germany out of a recession without once raising taxes. Obama says that we need “shared sacrifice”, but Hitler managed to deliver a surplus without asking a thing of his people.
2. Hitler raised money the old fashioned way: by invading neighboring countries and plundering their wealth. That’s why my first action as President would be to invade Canada, Mexico, then down to Costa Rica, Cuba, and whatever the hell else is down there. It’s amazing what you can squeeze out of supposedly “poor” countries. Poland was supposed to be poor, yet Mark and I recently acquired a million dollar painting confiscated by Nazi troops there in 1939, as well as a smart lamp made of the skin of some rare animal that once roamed there.
3. Obama delivers billions in aid to loser countries, ignoring the ones with real power. Hitler knew he had a friend in fascist Italy and war mongering Japan. Let’s face it, really mean countries, the ones that threaten the planet and subjugate their own people, are like the cool kids in the high school cafeteria. Everyone wants to be their friend. That’s why I would immediately merge our military with global “mean girls” like North Korea and Iran. It’s funny, I used to get so turned on in Jr. High by the school yard bully, that whenever he beat up some fag I found myself rushing to the Little Girls room to finger myself into a shattering pubescent orgasm. As President, I promise to still be that sexually confused and self loathing teen, and conduct foreign policy accordingly.

Some Tea Party members go to rallies with signs drawing Obama with a Hitler mustache. Perhaps this is less a protest than a kind of wishful thinking. Food for thought, isn’t it?

I'm just sayin'...

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